Adoption Thoughts

Thanks Brian for the family pic!

 I’ve been thinking about adoption almost constantly these days.  As Cason and I start the adoption process again, and as friends around us are in varying stages of adoption or pregnancy, it has been in the forefront of my mind like it hasn’t been since before Cashel was born.  Recently a friend of mine experienced a failed adoption and called to share her loss with me. I was struck by what a unique experience adoption is. Both the pain and the joy are unique. As my friend spoke about grieving over the child she had lost, yet had never met, I couldn’t help but feel excited for the incredible joy she and her husband will get to experience down the road when they do get a baby. Many people might not understand how losing a child who was never seen nor met could be so traumatic, but they haven’t experienced the constant stress and wondering and struggle of adoption. It can be horrible, and yet, once you have a child, the struggle and pain of loss is replaced. It’s not gone, but it definitely is redeemed. The whole thing is constantly exhausting or exhilarating, and sometimes both at once.

Adoption is Broken

Adoption can be so hard, and so painful… and yet I love it… and I mean LOVE it!  There are several reason why people adopt. Some do so because they feel compelled or called to do so (whether they are able to have biological children or not), but many people who pursue adoption do so because they are unable to get pregnant.  The latter set of parents are typically already entering adoption with pain and trauma.  The loneliness that comes from trying and trying to have a family, while it seems everyone around you is getting pregnant, having kids, and expanding their own families… you feel broken, or that God is angry with you and trying to teach you a lesson.  He isn’t, just for the record, but that is something that I believed for a long time.

Cason and I talked about wanting to adopt long before we were married, but we also wanted to have biological children. What we didn’t know then is that we would struggle to get pregnant and that adoption would (for now) be our only way to have a family.

I don’t think God’s perfect, original plan for humanity involved adoption. Without sin, all babies would be welcomed into the world by two loving, biological parents, and there would be no need for adoptive families. Though pregnancy and biological child-rearing has it’s own set of potential trauma and issues, it at least potentially begins from a place of God’s plan for the family. Adoption is only possible because of sin and brokenness. Children are available to be adopted because someone was impoverished, too young, raped, deemed unfit to raise a child because of drugs, violence etc, or perhaps the parents have died. Regardless of how the child came to be, these circumstances make adoption very messy. It requires adoptive parents (who have possibly been through years of infertility or other struggles) to trust a birth mother, agency, system, or foreign government that is entirely outside of their control, and is tainted by complex circumstances. This is a recipe for pain, lies, more sin, distrust, fear and loss.  

Our History

When we lived in Kenya, we tried to adopt 1 year old triplets who we loved dearly from the orphanage where Colleen worked. We had a lawyer and were making plans to stay in Kenya… it’s a long story that I won’t recount here, but things ended abruptly, in heartache, and with an uncertain future for us and the triplets.

Once back in the US, we were selected by a birthmother who we met with multiples times, and with whom we had a good relationship. She delivered prematurely, and we were with our son in the NICU for eight days before we discovered that the birth mother had lied to us and the birth father, and that he did want to raise his child. Our son was taken from us, and again we were left childless.

Fear and Waiting

By the time we were matched with Cashel’s birthmother, I was at the end of my emotional rope. We had been ready/trying to have children for about 3 years, and had been through the two failed adoptions mentioned previously, losing 4 children that we had thought would be ours. I remember physically shaking when my phone would ring with a call from the adoption agency, since I would get a rush of fear and panic every time.

We had multiple friends and family discover they were pregnant and have babies in this time, and we also had a couple friends who were adopting and brought their new children home. We tried to be joyful and celebrate with them, and we were genuinely happy for them, but it was difficult. The “why me” or “why not me” questions slip so easily into your head, it can be paralyzing. I felt like I was constantly being reminded that I did not have a child, and the worst part was the constant state of not knowing. I was trying to trust that the Lord is good, that He knows my pain, that He loves me and has a plan for me that will glorify Him, but I struggled believing it.

Cashel’s due date was moved many times, and we hadn’t heard anything for weeks right before he was born and feared that his mother had given birth, decided to keep him, and not told the agency. We closed on our first house, and started to move in - I actually unpacked the “baby bag” that I had ready, and remember thinking “It’s been almost three months, so it’s not going to happen in the next few days. I’ll repack once we move.” Of course, we got the call in the midst of moving, and I had to frantically dig through boxes trying to find the baby supplies and my clothes to wear. We waited and waited and waited (with some heartbreak thrown in), and then in an instant, beautiful chaos reigned and we were going to get our son.

I share what we went through, not for pity or condolence, but to express the toll it can take, and to encourage those in the midst of waiting-and-wondering right now, how wonderful it can be in the end.

Redemption

After the struggle and the unknown, adoption can be a beautiful redemption of hurt, loss, and painful circumstances for all parties - for the child to have loving parents, for a mom and dad to have a son or daughter to call their own and for a birthmother to rest in the knowledge that her child is in a stable and loving home. It mirrors spiritual adoption into the body of Christ.  

The day Cashel legally became our son, I experienced heavenly joy.  A joy that came out of years of struggling and brokenness; joy that must be a foretaste of heaven. I remember when the judge announced that he was OUR SON, thinking that there should be fanfare, singing, trumpets, dancing, or something! In fact when we got home we had a dance party our family and friends in celebration! That joy is something that I might not have fully realized had I not first gone through the hardships of loss and waiting.

Adoption is a glimpse inside our own salvation. We are sinful, broken, and a mess… We are the prodigal son. God is waiting to joyfully adopt us into His family! When we are adopted as His children, there is dancing, singing, and trumpets. The celebration that occurs at our salvation is pictured so beautifully in earthly adoption. I, like Cashel, am in desperate need of a father; I’m in need of redemption from my brokenness and adoption into the family of Christ.

That is why adoption is beautiful to me, even though it has caused me incredible pain and left me questioning so much about myself and what I believe. I would go through that struggle again and again to adopt a child. I love Cashel more than I thought possible. There is a level of thankfulness and joy that I don’t think that I would have had if we didn’t go through all that we did. Even on the hard days of parenting, I am full of love for my son and am so proud of him. I am so blessed by God to have Cashel; he is the perfect child for our family, because God lead us to him and chose us to be his parents. It wasn’t easy, but we are thankful for the precious baby (though not so much a baby anymore!) that God placed in our arms.

Those reading this that are in the waiting stage of adoption, I want to encourage you… It gets so much better! The pain and frustration now makes the joy you will experience SO wonderful, because we can see in it the joy of salvation. We lost four children. We still miss them, we still pray for them, we still love them… BUT when our adoption was complete, I could look back and say that I would do all that again in a heartbeat. God used that weakness and struggle to draw us close and to teach us to Trust in who HE is. He used that experience to expose lies and doubts in my own faith; it was painful, and working through it came slowly, but without those experiences, I would not have known what it means to have my faith truly tested - to trust God and His strength in my weakness and at my most vulnerable.  

I waited patiently for the Lord; 

He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, 

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord

and put their trust in him.

-Psalm 40:1-3

I remember a time when only the beginning of this scripture rang true - only the section about needing to be rescued from the pit. I would skip the rest, because I couldn't relate or couldn't believe it. Now I understand. He has put a NEW song in my mouth, one full of joy and praise. I have see the Lord and put my trust in Him.

Thanks for reading. Love, Colleen

Here's some fun videos from December to show how amazingly blessed our lives are!:

Dance Party of Christmas Day

Running with Grandpa

Hanging out with Bibi and Babu in Charleston

"Sleeping game" with Grandpa and cousins

Cheesy smile outtake

Long Overdue

Wow. We’re the worst. I had every intention of keeping this site updated with monthly-ish posts, but it has been 6 months since we last blogged. I can’t believe it! Actually, I can believe it, but I do wish we’d make more time. Having a new house and baby definitely makes finding time more difficult! Anyway, here’s a brief recap of the last few months with lots of Cashel pictures: 

Our happy boy

Cashel is pretty much a little boy now, which is crazy. If you follow us on Facebook or Instagram, you’ll know that he is the world’s happiest, and possibly most photographed, little guy. We love him so much and it has been a privilege to parent him together. It has been so much fun to watch him grow up, develop a personalty, and become more mobile and independent. Colleen sometimes bemoans all this, asking "What happened to my little baby boy?!?!", but for the most part we are loving having an almost-toddler. 

Cashy started crawling around 8 months old, at the end of April, and his (and our!) world changed almost instantly. He went from a calm baby who loved just to chill, and who loved nothing more than to sit and watch us, to a boy who is curious about, and into, everything. He loves to bang doors, climb up the stairs, try to share Indy’s food, stalk the cat that we are babysitting, and bee-line for the refrigerator whenever it is open. 

Cashy loves acrobatics!

He is hilarious, and we all laugh all the time. One of his favorite things in the world, behind spaghetti, pickles, strawberries, our dog Indy, and bottom-dropping his parents as they try to sleep-in, is being tossed and spun in all directions. I’d definitely be a bit woozy being swung around by my feet, but he is mostly fearless and is shaping up to be a little daredevil.

We’re trying to teach him sign language to communicate, and so far his only consistent sign is “more,” which he uses almost exclusively for food and acrobatics. However, this past Saturday I was gone all day at a soccer coach training, so I called Colleen and she put me on speaker phone. Cashel ambled over, looked behind the phone to see if I was hiding there, then starting signing “more”... “more Daddy.” Man, I love that kid. 

Cashel loves his momma

Cashel loves his family, and typically gets out-of-control excited whenever we video chat with either set of Grandparents or one of his Aunties. We’ve been fortunate to have lots of family and friends come visit, and we’re glad that Cashel is such a social person... though sometimes it can be difficult since he doesn’t like to go to bed when things are going on and his “audience” is still available. 

He loves to give wet, opened mouth, tongue-out kisses, and will mostly do so upon request. 

The last week of May, all 3 of the Ramsay kids & spouses & kids & dogs headed home to Wooster to spend a week at John and Eileen’s recently renovated old family farmhouse. There were 8 adults, 3 kids, and 3 dogs all under one roof, and though it was hectic at times - nay, possibly because it was hectic - we had a blast. It was the perfect year for a “staycation,” especially for “the boys,” who were 9 and 10 months then, since they wore each other out speed-crawling from room to room and (of course) always wanting the toy that the other one was playing with.

The Ramsay Family

Curly Boys: Cashel and his cousin, Graham

Mr. Curious chasing the chickens around the yard

In non-Cashel related news, we’ve been enjoying our house and have kept busy fixing it up as much as possible. This spring we’ve focused the work on the backyard, where I’ve built raised beds and other gardening apparatus, added a privacy fence, built a chicken coop out of old pallets to house our 5 chickens, built a bench out of old fence panels, and a few other things. It has been so much fun to work on a place that feels permanent, but the never-ending list of projects takes up time and money. We’re finally feeling like we’re to the place that we can comfortably enjoy our backyard, so we enjoy most evenings sitting out in the shade, usually grilling dinner and getting what we can out of our own garden, while Cashel plays in (i.e. tries to eat) grass and our plethora of animals roam. Not much to complain about. 

I also coached a club girls soccer team again this spring, and will be an assistant high school girls coach this fall. Coaching is a big time commitment, but I very much enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to a few years down the road when I can start to coach Cashel and his friends just like my dad coached me!

Cashel and his buddy, Keagan

We love our church, especially the other young families there. Cashel’s got lots of buddies in the nursery already, and we’re so thankful that he will grow up with a great group of friends. Our small group went through a parenting book this spring, which was very pertinent for us. It was wonderful to candidly discuss parenting decisions and issues with friends as we were learning how to parents a little guy rapidly maturing into a toddler. 

// Reflection // 

Mother's Day 2013

A year-ish ago, the Mother’s Day / vacation / Father’s Day season was one of the more miserable of our lives. We were just a few months removed from having a child taken away from us after caring for him for 8 days, and happy families seemed to be everywhere we went. We enjoyed time with friends and family, sure, but it was extremely difficult to not be selfish and have those moments tainted with bitterness. We still don’t understand why we've had children “taken” away from us on more than one occasion, but we are so thankful that Cashel is in our lives. It just feels so right, like we’ve always known that he was coming. We feel blessed. That’s not to say that things wouldn’t have worked out with other kids - I have no doubt they would have - but for whatever reason, Cashel was brought into our lives as our first-born, and we are extremely thankful to call him our son. Getting to celebrate our first Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, as well as to take him on family vacation, were some of the happiest moments of our lives. 

We are hoping to have more children soon, both biologically (if it is possible for us), and also via adoption. So we’d appreciate prayers for wisdom as far as how much we should try to get pregnant verses seeking to adopt again. One thing is for certain: Cashel loves other kids and needs some siblings to play with and to steal some of the limelight away from him! 

I'll be sure and try to update in sooner than 6 months! Thanks, as always, for reading. 

Cason

Brown eyes

Peak-a-boo with mommy over daddy's shoulder

We love to fly!

Getting kisses...

... and giving sloppy ones back

Fly, fly away

Happy with Bibi and Aunti Corinn

Wittig family pictures from Christmas

Bibi and Cashy in hoods

He loves mealtime

Curious about the tortoises

More to come soon!

So much to be thankful for!

In the court room with Judge Petrie (photo courtesy of Brian Ramsay)

Hey, this is Colleen. I've been waiting to make this post for a while now and I'm so excited to be able to say that Cashel's adoption has been finalized!

Christmas Party! (photo courtesy of Charlie Ramsay)

It is difficult to express how overwhelmingly happy and thankful I am for the blessing the Lord has given us in the last few months. It is amazing to believe that He could bring us through the heartache of losing children we thought would be our own. Not because I didn't believe that He could, but because when you are in it, you can't imagine getting out of that emotional mire. I still miss Caleb, Lydia, Benjamin, and Jayson, but that in no way lessens my love for Cashel. If anything, it magnifies it. I am cherishing every moment with him in a way I'm not sure I would have 3 years ago.

Today I have been sitting at home, snuggling by the fire with Cashel and Cason reading Peter Pan and thinking about how perfect my life is right now. I have caught myself just smiling throughout the day, full of thanksgiving and joy. I know life won't always be this happy, but for now I'm just enjoying the Lord's blessings on my life. The Lord is sovereign and loves us.  He is our Rock and our Salvation.  He has given us immeasurably more than we need or deserve.

I have a wonderful husband who is in love with me and supports me so that I can stay home with Cashel. He works only a few blocks away so he is able to be with us so much more than most. He sacrifices for us and is such an amazing father. I sometimes  just sit and watch him with Cashel (even though I should use those moments to get things done around the house). It is so cute how much Cashel loves him and they have so much fun together!  

I love those deep brown eyes

I have a beautiful home that we were fortunate enough to purchase just days before Cashel's birth. It definitely has its issues here and there, but it is my dream home: quirky with nooks and crannies, lots of space to grow into, very unique with beautiful little touches that make it one of a kind. I love our home and have enjoyed making it our own.

God brought us to Danville Kentucky. I believe that with all my heart. He knew we would need family and a supportive church. I am so incredibly thankful for the love and support we have received. On Thursday for Cashel's adoption finalization, the courtroom was full of family and church friends there to witness and help celebrate our special day.

Most of all, I am thankful to have adopted our beautiful son Cashel, officially and legally, so that he will grow up a Wittig and a Ramsay/Ambrose. He is the most incredible little guy, so full of joy. Most mornings he wakes up smiling as soon as he sees our faces. We are so blessed by him and love him more than I can even express in words.  He makes us laugh continually and we can't wait to see him grow up... although that is already happening way too fast!

Can't believe he'll be 4 months old 3 days after Christmas!

I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for blessing our family with prayers, cards, support, gifts, visits, phone calls, messages, and thoughts.  The joy I have is overwhelming. My life is beautiful; not perfect, but beautiful. I just hope that I can share this joy and Christ's love with others in a meaningful way this Holiday season.

Merry Christmas!  

Love, Colleen

Aunti Adri came down to celebrate the adoption and love on her boys

Such a happy boy...

... but not all of the time!

He love his bumbo and loves being as naked as much as possible!

On December 15, Cashel gained a cousin - Weston Michael Todd

"The boys," Cashel and Graham

My siblings and Cashel's cousins at the court house celebrating his adoption

Cashel: 3 Months of our little man

Our Little Bundle (Thanks to our friend Rachel, from Selah Photography, for taking some shots of Cashel)

This cute little guy makes it tough to get any blogging done!

Wow. Being a dad makes it tough to get anything done! I had grand plans for blogging and getting projects completed on our house this fall, but not much of that has happened since Mr. Cashel came into our lives - obviously, I wouldn't trade having him for anything, but I definitely have gained respect for fathers who find time for those things! It has been so much fun to watch Cash grow and develop - can't believe he is already almost 3 months old! He is doing wonderfully and we are loving being his parents. He definitely has his moments (don't we all), but pretty much as long as his diaper is clean and his belly is full, he is a content, happy, and healthy little guy. 

Our friends, family, and church have been an incredible blessing during our first few months of parenthood. From giving/loaning baby clothes and gear, to throwing fantastic showers, to donating toward our adoption fund, and just generally being excited with us, the three of us feel so loved. Our attempts to express our gratitude seem feeble and wholly inadequate. We are particularly grateful to those who helped organize the three wonderful baby showers - Colleen's sister, mother, & aunts, friends at Grace PCA, and my mother & sister. It was a blessing to see so many friends and family at those gatherings; we're so proud to share our little guy with our loved ones!

Cashel loves Bibi (aka Grandma Wittig)

We have been overwhelmed by all of the gifts we've received and by the contributions towards our adoption expenses. (So many gifts, in fact, that we are still working on writing all of the thank yous!) Through our church, friends, and family, our adoption fund has swelled to more than we could ever imagine, enough to cover a significant portion of our expenses. Words really can’t describe the thankfulness and relief those gifts have brought - God is a great Provider!

Some may know that we closed our house the same weekend that Cashel was born. We had grand plans for renovating and fixing it up, but those were obviously slowed with suddenly becoming parents. Though we haven't done as much as we planned on our house, thanks mostly to my parents coming down for "work 'n baby" weekends, we've been able to finish Cashel's nursery, repaint our living room area, begin to restore the original floor upstairs, and get a few other projects going. We really don't know what we'd do without all of the help!

August 2012 Cousins: Cashel & Graham

Another blessing in our lives this fall has been the fact that Colleen's brother, Brian, sister-in-law, Michelle, and their two beautiful children moved from south Florida to 2 blocks away from us! It has been incredible to have them around, and we are so excited that Cashel will grow up with his cousins - particularly Graham, who is just 19 days older than him. Brian and I are already planning soccer training strategies for "the boys," and are wondering when is too early to start practicing with them. Michelle and Colleen have enjoyed visiting each other often and going on walks with the kids. We’ve loved having them so close and hope they stay that way!

Colleen and her little man

Thanks again to Rachel for these great shots!

Colleen is such a great mother. Like I've said in previous posts, she's been ready for this for a long time, and I'm so thankful that she's knowledgeable, comfortable, and happy in her new role. Our new house is a few blocks from my office so I walk to work every day and come home for many lunches to see my lovely wife and sweet boy. Being a parent definitely isn’t always easy, but we have loved working at it together. Having a son is an amazing, sometimes scary, privilege that I believe we appreciate more because of some of our life experiences. It really has been an honor being Cashel’s father and I am so excited to watch him grow over the coming months and years. If time flies as quickly as it has these first three months, it’ll be over far faster than I want it to!

We still have a few days before we can officially apply for a court date to finalize the adoption. Please pray that everything goes smoothly and quickly. There is very little chance now that anything could disrupt the process, but we just want it finalized as soon as possible.

These last few months have been an incredible ride. Our house feels like a mess and our lives are hectic, but between Cashel, our dog Indy, and our own general ridiculousness, we definitely laugh all of the time - and you can't ask for much more than that. Thank you to everyone who has journeyed with us these last few years - they have been the most difficult, but best of my life, and I’m excited to see where the Lord takes us from here. Thanks again!

-Cason

Happy Halloween!

Mr. Funny Faces

With some friends from church on a fall hike

Grandma Eileen getting ready to take Cash on a walk

Cashel Face

Five Wittigs taking a break from painting to enjoy a warm fall day

Our little lumberjack

On a hike with my niece, Rose. Glad she lives so close now!

Love this one: looks like he's boxing

Grandpa John with his grandsons

A momma and her boy

The Ramsay family - Thanksgiving weekend 2012