What's in a name?: Take 2

Banner week of all weeks in the Wittig family. Friday afternoon, Colleen and I closed on our first home purchase and immediately began cleaning and moving in.  All weekend we stripped wallpaper, dealt with plumbing issues, tore up horrible carpet, and hauled our possessions across town with the invaluable help of my parents and some great friends. 

We were in the throes of moving, then this happened

Monday morning, it took me 7 minutes to walk to my office from our new residence, which was a fantastic feeling. After work on Monday, Colleen and I filled our evening with packing/unpacking and working on various projects at the house. Within 5 minutes of bringing our last load into the house from the cars and Colleen crashing on the couch, we got a call saying our birth mother was being induced. Though exhausted, we frantically ran around trying to find all of the things we'd just packed (I definitely uttered the words, "Where are my boxers?!?! I don't want to go meet my son commando, but I will if I have to.") before we got on the road to Cincinnati. 

We arrived at 1am and our 6lbs 5oz, 19", son was born at 1:48am. We didn't get to see him until after 4am, but when we did, the first thing I noticed about him was his incredible full head of hair. He is beautiful, and amazingly chilled and relaxed. 

When we met him, he was in the NICU, the same place where we spent 8 days during our failed adoption in March/April. Walking back in there was a surreal feeling to say the least, especially since it was 5 months to the day that Asher/Jason was born; many of the nurses recognized us and had taken care of Jason before and after we were with him. 

It was wonderful spending time with our son in the wee hours while he slept, but finally around 6am this morning we collapsed onto some cots they provided for us - I think because we looked so tired and bedraggled. We now have him in a private room until the hospital discharges him in a few days, but even after that he and Colleen will have to stay in Cincinnati until things are finalized - probably mid to late next week. 

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It is a bit terrifying to write one of these again - and by these, I mean an explanation of the name of our son - since I wrote something similar a few months ago and things traumatically didn't work with that adoption.  However, I have decided that I will not be held captive to fear.  Loving means taking chances and making yourself vulnerable, knowing that getting hurt is a distinct possibility.  That's what happened to God when He chose to create and love humans... he was betrayed and ended up getting crushed.  But thankfully for us, He kept on loving.

So, even though we're nervous that something will happen again to mess up this adoption, we're trying not to hold back or guard our hearts.  I'd rather throw myself into this and deal with the emotional repercussions if things fall apart again, than always regret holding back or half-assing parenthood for the first days of my son's life.

We are proud to introduce our son, Cashel Ambrose Wittig.  

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There wasn't nearly the consensus with this name as "last time" with Asher, and we deliberated naming him after everyone from philosphers, soccer stars, actors, and our favorite foods... When we arrived at the hospital, we had two main names in mind, but though this is a closed adoption, we were so blessed to be able to speak with Cashel's biological aunt, who helped us confirm that Cashel was the best name for him. 

The Rock of Cashel (taken on our semester in Ireland, 2004

First of all, we just like the way Cashel sounds.  Apparently we are partial to "ash" sounds... maybe that explains why we love mashed potatos, Ashton Kutcher (wait, no we don't...), Ashville North Carolina, seven year old King Joash from the Bible, Steve Nash, Johnny Cash, Ashley Judd (wait, not particularly), Ashley Cole (Ugh. Definitely not.), flashing (no comment), and the Clash so much. 

Colleen and I started dating while studying abroad in Ireland in 2004.  One of our favorite places that we visited was the Rock of Cashel, an incredible 1000 year old ruins and cathedral. Cashel means "rock fortress" and is also the name of the town in Ireland near the Rock.  There's a famous stone at Cashel that is somehow lucky or fortuitous for your marriage if a man carries a woman around it a few times.  As you can see in the picture below from 2004, I am not carrying Colleen... I was probably too afraid of commitment at that point!  We'll have to remedy that if we ever go back.  Colleen's family's Irish heritage is significant to her, and we are proud to give Cashel an Irish name. 

That's right... that's not me carrying Colleen. Things did seem to work out for the other two in this shot though... they were married this past June!

In Old Testament Hebrew, "el" in a name denotes Elohim, which means "god" or implies the plural godhead of the trinity.  For instance, Samuel means "asked of God," Emmanuel means "God with us," and Elijah essentially translates "Elohim is Yahweh" or "the Lord is God."  Cashel is obviously not a Hebrew word or name, but the "el" is still significant to us.  Even though you'll never find it in book of baby name definitions, we're going to tell Cashel that his name means God is a Fortress, and we hope that he holds fast to that truth.

This is about the most beautiful picture ever to me

Another benefit of this name, is that it fulfills one of my late Nana's dream of having a family with names that all start with the same letter.  One of the first times Nana met Colleen, she pulled her aside in her typically conniving fashion, and gave her a list of name suggestions for our future child all starting with "C" (since we were Colleen and Cason).  We weren't even officially dating yet.  Nana, one of the Godliest yet most mischievous women I've ever known, apparently knew something before we did.  It is probably more likely that "Clyde" and "Cliff" were on her list than Cashel, but at least we got the letter right.

And finally, with a nickname like "Cash," they sky's the limit for this kid, right?  Cash Wittig could be a cowboy, CEO, soccer phenom, president, rapper, concert cellist, humanitarian, author... the possibilities are endless.  Cowboy has got to be the most likely though, right?  Or banker.  Or pawn shop owner. Hmm.

Also, except for being slightly ruined by the WWE and Hollywood star Dwayne Casey, "the Rock" (as in, "of Cashel") is a pretty fantastic nickname.  Maybe more for a linebacker than a concert cellist though, so we'll have to see how that plays out.  

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Impressive Hair

We love our families.  Colleen's side of the family, the Ramsays and Ambroses, are the biggest reason that we moved to Central Kentucky. Ambrose means "immortal," which we believe Cashel will be... not because he is the half-god offspring of a mythological being and a mortal (though we have no way of proving otherwise), but because we believe that our souls will live forever. 

One of the great things about our Kentucky families is the abundance of cousins that Cashel will have in his age group. On the Ramsay side he has a first cousin named Graham born just 2 weeks ago and a second cousin named Lucy about a week older than him.  And on the Ambrose side of the family, there's a Baby Boy Todd due in December. This kid won't ever lack for playmates!

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I wrote about Wittig the first go around and will just rinse & reuse the last name section of that post here... and probably for all of our future children:

//Begin self-plagiarized portion// 

Cashel is a Wittig.  Like all Wittigs, little Cashel will be cursed with having his name mispronounced and misspelled for the rest of his life.  Whitting?  Wittrig?  Whitig?  Widdic?  Sometimes I'm not sure I know how to pronounce it.  Cashel better get used to spelling it out every time, just like the rest of us. 

In 4 years of having "Cason Wittig" announced over the loudspeaker when I played high school basketball, it was never pronounced correctly at a road game.  Not once.  I think the only person to ever actually pronounce Wittig correctly was my crazy German soccer coach who would scream "Vittig!" at 12-year-old me from the sidelines in between muttered German curse words.

Incidentally, Wittig comes from the German word for "wood" or possibly the word for "clever"... although I was told as a kid that it meant "little wooden head."  I couldn't find any evidence of the "little wooden head" meaning on the internet, but I'm going to pass that quirky interpretation on to Cashel and the rest of my future children.

//End self-plagiarized portion//

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View from inside the Rock of Cashel

You may not like the name, but frankly we don't care.  When my dad told his neighbor my name ("Cason Jennings") after I was born, she told him that it sounded like a disease.  And I turned out pretty well... or at least none of my deficiencies can be blamed on my disease of a name.

We're just so happy that we finally have a son.  The one thing that is certain in all of this is that, as long as he stays with us, Cashel/Cash/TheBashMan/Ambrose/'Brose/the Rock/Señor Poopypants (or whatever you choose to call him - all of those are acceptable) will be one of the most loved children on earth.  Even though that means that those who love him might just be setting themselves up for heartbreak and pain.  It has been a long wait for this child, and and some points of life, we thought for sure that God had other children for us, but through many tears and heartbreak, we genuinely believe that God has a plan for us, and we hope that plan includes Cashel Ambrose. 

Thanks for your love, prayers, and support!

Cason

He love his mom!... or enjoys passing gas... probably a little of both

Thoughts on Chicken

I apologize in advance for the type-os and weird links in this post... our computer is not working, so I had to post this from an iPad. 

Last week I read in 1 Peter as part of a Bible study with a friend, and it brought to mind the state of moral and political discourse I was witnessing on the internet, especially from Christians. I am primarily referring to what the CEO of Chick-fil-a said regarding his view of “traditional marriage” and the reaction to it, but I also want to analyze how I and others react and interact on all hot button moral/political issues.

I don’t typically engage in controversial issues like this, particularly not in a public forum like this blog, but I feel compelled to work through my thoughts on how to approach such topics in a venue that may help others do the same. I am writing primarily to fellow Christians, but hope that this might also show non-Christians what some of us believe, especially about how issues should be approached and discussed. 

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There were many applicable verses that I read in 1 Peter 3, but the one that stood out the most to me was in verse 15 where it says, “Always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who ask you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.”

Note that it doesn’t say, “always give a defense for your political views,” “always expect non-believers to understand your Christian perspective,” “always be willing to fight to the death over your moral beliefs,” or even, “always defend scripture… to the point of offending others and harming relationships with non-believers.” 

It seems to me that in many ways, we (as Christians) have missed the mark and have focused on winning the argument. Winning a debate was never Jesus’ goal when he was on earth – though he did “win” some deliberations with the Pharisees, his focus was loving people through relationships.

The “hope that is in you” is salvation through Jesus Christ… that’s it. No law or rule gives me reason to live or be hopeful – just Jesus. And I’m even supposed to defend him in an inoffensive manner - with gentleness and respect. Honestly, that seems contradictory to much of what I see in practice from Christians, and even what I sometimes engage in myself.  

God's Word doesn't need me to defend and debate every verse in it.  Scripture and the gospel are there for everyone, and each individual can decide for themselves what they will do with it.  I believe that all scripture is from God, however, the only thing that I or any other believer can add is my personal journey of hope and salvation - my testimony about the core of scripture, which is Jesus Christ uniting me with God. 

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As I pondered that passage, the compassion that Jesus showed the woman at the well (in John 4) sprang to mind. He was firm in what he said to her, but he was incredibly gentile and he didn’t condemn her. Their interaction was completely respectful on both sides, and would have been even if she had disagreed with him. Jesus’ emphasis was on hope, rebirth, and new life in him, not on what she had done.

(One difference between Jesus’ interaction with the woman at the well, and some of my interactions as a Christian in the post-modern world is that Jesus could appeal to the woman’s cultural moral center. She was a Jew, so he appealed to her Jewish upbringing and heritage, where adultery and promiscuity were sins. In our current culture, many people disagree on the moral views of Christianity, which I believe means that I must employ even more gentleness and respect when engaging with them.)

In 1 Corinthians 9, Paul says that he became all things to all people to win some to the gospel – to me, that implies not being abrasive or blatantly offending people, particularly over secondary issues. Christians should focus on relationships and what is actually important – salvation through Jesus Christ (it’s called good news for a reason!). Everything else is secondary.

It saddens me incredibly when a Christians think they can’t interact with non-believers because their beliefs are different, or because the non-believer is blatantly living in sin – of course they are! Why should I expect non-Christians to have Christian views or live by Christian moral principles? It’d be like me criticizing the swimming stroke of someone who was drowning… completely futile. Someone who knows how to swim and wants to improve might be assisted by some criticism of their technique, but the drowning person must agree to be taught to swim first, starting with the basics, before critique or advice means anything to them.

It seems to me that in 1 Peter and other places in scripture, the harsh rebukes are saved for those who should know better… God’s chosen people (the Jews) in the Old Testament, as well as Pharisees and those claiming to the Christians in the New Testament. For instance, contrast how Jesus interacts with the woman at the well against how he responds to the hypocrisy of the Pharisees (in Matthew 23 and elsewhere). Or compare how Paul pleads with the philosophers of Athens on Mars Hill (Acts 17) to how he rebukes the failings of the early church and even Peter (in Galatians and elsewhere). In the instance of Paul speaking to the philosophers about the “unknown god,” his focus wasn’t at all on correcting their views on individual issues – he could have easily chastised them for their ungodly living had he wanted to - but was instead completely on introducing them to the one true God in a context that was relevent to them.

The gospels remind us repeatedly that Jesus fellowshipped with “tax collectors and sinners” (Luke 15 and elsewhere). I don’t know much about Middle Eastern culture 2000 years ago, but I can’t imagine that if Jesus had preached the law with fire and brimstone in his interactions with “sinners” that he would have been invited over for dinner. He loved them for who they were, and drew them to himself by loving them unconditionally. Being around someone so loving and unselfish would gradually show that submitting to Christ is the most freeing thing you can do, but Jesus didn’t start by teaching submission. The issues with sin and law were entirely secondary, because the change of heart must come first.

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Sorry to get sort of preachy, but I wanted to give examples that back my conclusion. In light of those illustrations, the behavior of many modern Christians seems juxtaposed with scripture. The current focus on politics, defending scripture, and expecting non-believers to have a Biblical world view and moral compass, isn’t biblical. Sometimes it seems Christians are treated unfairly in the media or elsewhere, and I’m sure we are, but the other half of the time it is the conservatives and Christians who are incendiary and untoward in defending their views. Not much gentleness, respect, or “turning the other cheek” from what I observe at times.

In addition to creating "Chick-fil-a Appreciation Day," conservative Mike Huckabee said, "The Mayor of Boston says that he won't allow Chick-fil-a in Boston. Amazing that a mayor now has the power to stop commerce because he personally disagrees with the PERSONAL views of the CEO of a company," a quote  that has been shared repeatedly on Facebook and Twitter... it makes sense, and to someone in the anti-gay marriage camp, it seems an obvious argument for freedom of speech.

But try to think about the situation from a different perspective… what if Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick-fil-a, had instead said, "I don't believe that people of different races should be allowed to marry. I am a white man married to a white woman...” As a friend and brother-in-law to interracial couples, and hopefully the future father of a racially diverse family, I would be deeply upset that someone would use his powerful position to perpetuate that racist ideology. Even though I believe in free speech, and a person’s right to believe whatever they want, in this hypothetical, I would still think about his horribly offensive view every time I drove by one of his restaurants.

If you agreed with Mr. Cathy and were trying to convince me that your way of thinking was best (that inter-racial marriage is wrong), celebrating in support of his restaurant would not be an effective way to reach me, nor would posting about how it is his right to believe whatever he wants – on the contrary, it would drive me further from you, even though I concede the point on free speech. As Christians, is that what we want?  I have friends who are gay... why would I want to alienate them, and essentially say that making a political/moral statement is more important than their feelings or friendship?

 

I’m playing devil’s advocate, and don’t necessarily believe that inter-racial marriage and gay marriage are in the same genre of issue. However, I can definitely see the parallels and understand why many people, consciously or unconsciously, view a stand against gay marriage as the same as racial discrimination.

In a different scenario, what if Mr. Cathy took it a step further and said, "My personal belief is that homosexuals (or Latinos, or Jews, or immigrants, or orphans, or the handicapped, or Muslims) are second class citizens of the world and should be eradicated through genocide.” Is he still entitled to his opinion then? Are Christians going to come out and vehemently defend his freedom of speech? He has a right to say it, but I don’t think many people would be eating at that guy’s restaurant, no matter how outstanding the chicken sandwiches.

And finally, on the other side, what if the CEO of a restaurant said, "I support gay marriage. My partner and I have been together for 20 years and I'm thankful for that…" That's a personal view, the same as Mr. Cathy’s views on biblical marriage, but would conservatives/Christians still be fighting for his freedom of speech? Would the same rules apply? Though probably not with the vitriol of the current media/blogosphere, I believe that many conservatives/Christians would respond to that statement with protests and boycotts. What does that say about us? 

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For the most part, I don’t believe that corporations should not engage in moral discourse - leave that to individuals speaking as individuals (and yes, I do realize this is essentially what Mr. Cathy was doing when he answered questions posed to him). While I do agree with most of this article in the Atlantic - that it shouldn’t matter what the CEO of a fast food company believes and that a company's products and practices should dictate if we do business with them, not politics – that’s not easy in practice. I should still be able to enjoy my meal at a restaurant no matter the personal views of the corporate hierarchy, but I know that isn’t human nature. It is possible to ignore a view you disagree with (especially for milkshakes as tasty as Chick-fil-a’s), but it definitely isn’t always a reality. I can still appreciate that Tiger Woods is a fantastic golfer, but it is difficult to see him without thinking of his well-publicized indiscretions. That’s just the way humans operate.

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Dan Cathy had every right to say what he did, and Americans have every right to support, boycott, or protest those remarks… that’s not the issue. As a Christian, I’m just wondering if by publically supporting Chick-fil-a, we’re missing the mark. How does going to Chick-fil-a today advance the gospel? It doesn’t seem to me like the bold, sacrificial, at-all-costs type of love that Christ portrayed on the cross. Honestly, it seems a bit petty and unnecessarily offensive.   

My point isn’t about gay marriage per se, though that is one of the most heart-wrenching issues that I think about as Christian. I have great sympathy and appreciate for people like Justin from the Gay Christian Network, who have wrestled with that issue in ways I can't even imagine, and have come down on one side of the argument or the other. I highly recommend reading this interview with him with some of his story and explanation for his beliefs – not so you can necessarily be convinced one way or the other, but just to realize that this is a heavy, contentious issue, even for people seeking to follow Christ.

I realize that homosexual relationships are condemned in the Bible, and I believe the Bible is the Word of God... but that doesn’t make it a simple issue. I won’t get into my beliefs here, because I’m woefully under qualified to speak upon the issue and I honestly don’t know what exactly I believe; you can revile me or applaud me for that honesty depending on your view, but again, that’s not the point.  The only relevant question for Christians is, "Am I showing Christ's love to everyone and do my actions point others to Christ?" That love is what is supposed to set us apart, yet often it is Christians who appear to be the most unloving. 

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If you're gay or straight or whatever, and I or any other Christian has offended you in how we've dealt with or discussed an issue, I sincerely apologize. While there are truths in the Bible that are unapologetically black and white, and I do believe in good/evil and right/wrong, I know that Christians, including myself, have been unnecessarily hateful and rude. Though I fail daily, I am striving to live like Jesus, and I don’t believe that he would have gone about loving the world by engaging passionately in political or moral debates. Though I can’t genuinely love in the way that he does, I want all people to find true satisfaction, contentment, and life in Christ, and because of that, I want to be respectful of others feelings and opinions.  

I want to be willing to discuss contentious issues like this without yelling or insulting. I want to have friends that I disagree with, that challenge me to think from different perspectives. Though I definitely don’t agree with everything she writes, I appreciate Christian blogs like that of Rachel Held Evans because they foster an environment of discussion and education. 

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Back to the verse that prompted all of this, I want to give a reason for the hope I have with gentleness and respect: 

All of the true hope that I have is in Jesus, so that is the only thing that I should defend. I believe I'm a sinner, just like everyone else in the world, and I believe that I am saved by the grace of God. I don't have all of the answers, and don't understand many issues about God's will, or the way his world works, but I do know that God is there for me because I’ve experienced life with him. I am not particularly smart, so many people could probably trounce me in a debate about my faith, but that doesn’t mean that what I believe isn’t true. I believe that love is the most powerful thing that God has given the world and that though I fail and get distracted daily, my primary purpose is to love God and love others. And that’s it.  

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I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad for what they did or didn’t do in support of chicken today… I just wanted to share something that has been weighing on my heart lately, and writing this blog helped me to process my thoughts. If you disagree or think I’m dead wrong, that’s fine. I’d love to discuss things with you, so just shoot me an email anytime.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

Cason